Funny Article

McCain Accuses Left-Leaning Dog Training Center of Murdering Elderly Supporters

John McCain's campaign charged Tuesday that a left-leaning assistance dog training academy affiliated with Democrat Barack Obama is conspiring to kill elderly clients who support his candidacy for President.

The accusation came after the third death of a registered Republican in a key battlground state who employed the services of an assistance dog trained by the Tender Paws Academy of Columbus, Ohio over the last five months.

According to local police, 84 year-old Rose Cunningham of Dayton, Ohio died Monday in her sleep of smoke asphyxiation from a fire authorities suspect was set intentionally by Maverick, the golden retriever that was supposed to assist and protect her.

"The blaze was ignited by oily rags piled close to the home's water heater in the basement, a highly curious scenario in light of the fact that Ms. Cunningham suffered from an advanced case of osteoporosis that prevented her from descending the stairs for the past several years," said Dayton Sheriff Gary Burns.

Burns added that witnesses reported Maverick, who emerged from the flames unscathed, appeared frisky at the scene.

"Perhaps a bit too frisky," he ventured.

"Oh, he didn't seem bothered one bit," recounted a neighbor of Ms. Cunningham's, "He looked like he was ready to go for walkies."

McCain spokesman Matthew Morgan supported his campaign's claim of an Obama-Tender Paws conspiracy by calling attention to two other similarly suspicious deaths since June - including one involving a 72 year-old blind man whose Tender Paws seeing eye dog led him directly into the path of a Minneapolis city bus on his way to the GOP convention last month.

"The contention that these cases are somehow a coincidence is absurd," Morgan proclaimed, "Innocent blood is on Barack Obama's hands."

Nobody from Tender Paws or Barack Obama's campaign has yet to comment on the accusations.